


An Adventure in Cas's Pimp Mobile

by littlemanic



Category: Supernatural
Genre: David Tennant - Freeform, M/M, Parody, Supernatural - Freeform, Winchester - Freeform, crack!fic, doctor who - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-15
Updated: 2014-01-15
Packaged: 2018-01-08 19:42:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1136603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlemanic/pseuds/littlemanic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel gets himself a pimp mobile and takes the Winchesters shopping</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Adventure in Cas's Pimp Mobile

It was an average day in the bunker with everyone being alive and not possessed (in other words, we already know this isn't canon). Sam and Kevin were watching Doctor Who in the living room, since they were both going through a DW phase, and Dean was reading smutty fanfiction.

"David Ten-Inch was _totally_ the best Doctor," said Sam. "Look at that hair! It's almost as fabulous as mine!"

He flipped his gorgeous brown locks from side-to-side, making all the fangirls jealous because holy shiz I wish mine was that tamed.

"Matt Smith was better! He was the youngest actor to play the Doctor, BUT! He made him seem so old! And 'Ten-Inch'? You only call him that because Billie Piper calls him that!" Kevin rolled his eyes.

" _Billie Piper is Queen don't you dare talk shit_ ," Sam growled as he hugged his pillow with a picture of the Tenth Doctor and Rose on it.

That's right - Sam Winchester ships Ten/Rose because I said so.

"Would you girls be quiet in there? I'm trying to watch some Busty Asians in here!" Dean shouted from the main library.

He was totally bullshitting, though. He was reading fanfiction about himself and Castiel.

Speaking of said trench-coated angel, Castiel came swooping in like a magic bat genie, all fresh and pretty for his Deaniekins.

"Hello, Dean," he said in his usual deep voice that sometimes echoed because of how unnatural it was.

Dean screamed like a little girl and threw his laptop across the room.

"Dammit, Cas! Stop scaring me! I was... busy!" Dean was sweating bullets by the time he got up from his chair.

"You were reading pornography, judging by how startled you were and how nervous you're acting now, and by the fitting of your pants I'd say you were enjoying it," Cas deduced.

"Jesus, we've got a Sherlock Holmes over here..." Dean mumbled.

"Are we talking about the Cumberbooty?!" Kevin shouted from the living room.

"No! Go back to watching your Doctor Whatever, nerds!" Dean shouted.

"Peter Capaldi is my favorite," said Cas.

" _Spoilers_!" River Song said in her sing- _song_ voice, disappearing as fast as she had appeared.

Nobody thought anything of this though, cause this is a muthuhflippin' story, y'all.

"Come check out my sweet wheels," Cas said as grabbed Dean by the wrist. "It'll make your Impala look like a tin turd with chrome."

  
Everyone hauled their asses out of the bunker and got a look at Castiel's "new" car (which he pretty much stole from an old man in some ghetto off the strip of Las Vegas). To sum it up, it was pretty much an anemic diarrhea-colored Cadillac from the '70s, and it did that ghetto low-riding thing that all the gangstazz did with their rides.

"Get in, losers! We're going shopping!" Castiel announced as he got in the car, putting on a giant pair of Aviators.

Dean was internally fangirling and on the vege of losing his shit because ghetto Cas. Instead of expressing his longing to jump his feathery ass in the car, Dean cleared his throat and acted extra masculine.

"You got a _pimp mobile_?" he asked in a judgmental tone.

"Yes, and now you're my bitches. Get in," Cas instructed.

Sam, Dean, and Kevin hauled their hineys into the car. Dean rode shotgun.

"Since the driver picks the music, we're going to listen to my favorite song that used to play in heaven all the time." Castiel flipped on the radio as he pulled away from the bunker. _Crank Dat_ by Soulja Boy started playing.

"Don't you have any Duran Duran?" Kevin whined from the backseat. Oh yeah, I can totally see Kevin liking Duran Duran.

" _Soulja Boy_?" Dean asked in that judgy voice again. He didn't really care - he just wanted to ride Castiel like a majestic, feathery dragon.

"Quiet, peasants!" Cas shouted.

Dean could have sworn he felt something big brush against his shoulder. Something wide and feathery...

 _Excited to see me?_ he thought.

 _ **You bet your sweet ass I am**_ he heard in return.

Dean gasped and fainted for the entire journey, having ball-trippin' dreams about Soulja Boy dancing like a drunken inbred horse on a crack high.

 

When they got to the mall, Cas had somehow managed to change into a giant, purple fur coat and a giant puple hat with a long, red feather sticking out of the top of it. He had a purple cane and used it to trip and hit random people while they walked through different shops.

While they were in a porn shop, they saw Kevin's great-great grandmother, who looked like that shriviled up worm thing from Spongebob because she was so frickin' old. Anyway, she rolled over Cas's pimp cane and flew out of her chair, knocking over a prostitute, an old man, and three children (why there were children in a porn shop, I have no clue) during her flight.

"I guess I don't got no muthuh-fukkin' rad skills, dawg," she said in her old lady voice.

Kevin just rolled his eyes and picked out different phallus-shaped lollipops with Sam.

"I'm gonna get this one and pretend it's Matt Smith," Kevin announced as he pulled a raspberry-flavored, 6 inch lollipop off the shelf.

"I'm gonna get _this one_ and pretend it's David Tennant!" Sam grinned as he pulled a 14 inch sucker off the shelf.

"Dean. Give it to me straight. Will this go with my pimpoflauge and car?" Cas held up a leopard print tuggie.

Dean's eyes bugged out as he stared at it, licking his lips as he thought of Castiel wearing it.

"I think I might have to see it," he said in his overly-deep voice. Castiel wiggled his angelic eyebrows.

"Then come with me and see for yourself." Cas grabbed Dean by the hand and dragged him off to the fitting room, leaving Sam and Kevin to fight over who'd get to have a threesome with a Dalek and a Silence.

( _"But if you boink the Silence, you'll forget it happened!"_   
_"Exactly! If it sucked, you'll forget, so it's perfect!"_ )

  
**End**


End file.
